This is me.... religiously

It's around 5:45am on Christmas Eve and I've spent the past 15 minutes wrestling with my boys. I stand no chance against Rocky's awesome ninja moves and Mav's scary slobber. I'm not sure if its because Rocky just jumped from the couch onto my head or because its Christmas Eve but I'm feeling rather pensive. This has been an eventful year for the Sessions family. We recently moved back to Utah in search of better work life balance. Over the past 3 years we have moved 3 times. Each move was prompted by what was best for my career and not what was best for my Family. During our stay in Las Vegas my work life balance got way out of hand. I didn't even have time for myself let alone my wife and kids. There would be an occasional day off here or there but my family deserves better. It took a serious disagreement with my former CEO to wake me up to the fact that I needed a change. We knew we would be coming up to Utah for the holidays so we decided to pack our things and peruse..... change.

Part of the change our family has gone through is a commitment to honesty. I had to commit to 100% honesty with Amy and our boys. Honesty is crucial to the survival of any healthy relationship. I need to have a healthy relationship with Amy and my children. I love my family more than I know how to express. Notwithstanding, I haven't been very happy over the last 5 years.  I have felt disingenuous. For the past decade I have struggled with my relationship with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Since Amy and I were married I haven't been open to discuss how I feel about the church. There have been times where I felt I needed distance from the church and others where I felt I could make it work. Keeping this internal religious conflict to myself has caused some unnecessary distance between Amy and I. I was afraid that Amy wouldn't want me after learning I wasn't the devote Mormon man I was supposed to be. When we recently sat down to discuss my beliefs, she couldn't have been more supportive and loving. I'm incredibly lucky to have her and feel ashamed that due to my cowardice I have let the first 5 years of our marriage exist with a wedge. Being 100% open and honest with your spouse is paramount. I love Amy and will always love her.

The French government has quite liberal immigration laws which permits a significant number people seeking refuge from northern African countries to cross the border. I got the opportunity to meet with quite a few devote worshipers of Islam while I was was in France. One specific story stands out;

At the very beginning of my mission I boarded a train from Paris that was headed Bretange. After finding my seat, a man wearing a qalansuwa turban and a dark beard sat down right next to me. It had only been a few years since the 9/11 attacks and I vividly remember the rubble at ground zero. My Dad took me to New York not long after the attacks for my graduation trip. When this Muslim man sat down I was overcome with anxiety. I sat there for the first 15 to 20 mins in silence and fear. When the train conductor came to collect my ticket he asked me where I was headed. I responded in French as best as I could and handed him my ticket.  I had only just arrived in France and my grasp on the French language was very rough. The Muslim man sitting next to me heard my american accent as I stumbled trough my conversation with the train conductor. As soon as the conductor left the Muslim man sitting next to me turned and said in perfect English "So you're American? Where are you from?" I remember a strange sense of relief coming over me because I had found someone I could comfortably communicate with. We began to talk and little by little my anxiety fueled by prejudice faded. I stopped viewing him as a Muslim and started to simply see him as.... a man. He asked why I was in France and naturally our conversation shifted to religion. He praised me for what I was doing was described my mission as courageous. We talked for hours. He had to get off the train in Rennes and I continued on to the coast. Before he got off the train he wished me luck during my stay in France, warned me the French could be stubborn, and shook my hand. Its customary for Muslims to touch their chest where their heart is located after they shake your hand and and say "Inshallah" which means "God Willing". He touched his heart, got off the train, and without knowing he touched my heart as well. When he left I started thinking about how anxious I was when he sat down. I was now feeling anxious because he got off the train. I was once again alone with no one to talk to.  I feel ashamed that I let my prejudice get the best of me when this man first sat down. I only saw his beard and qalansuwa turban and nothing else. I don't remember this man's name but I will never forget the lesson I learned. I remember his kindness, his smile, and how he listened to me. He was a man of God. I remember how passionately he talked about Muhammad and the lessons he learned from the Koran. I remember the praise he gave me for traveling so far from home to share my beliefs with others. This devote Muslim typified what it meant to be... religious. 


Healthy relationships require honesty so this blog post is an attempt to be honest with those of you who I want to have a healthy relationship with. Here is what I believe;

• Religion is an incredible way to teach principles that I believe are important. Principles I believe to be important include honesty, charity, kindness, long suffering, hard work, and compassion. If you want to know more about my thoughts on the importance of letting your life be guided by righteous principles CLICK HERE. 
• Every relationship with God requires faith. Your faith is defined by the actions you take and choices you make when you don't have all the answers. This means that every relationship with God lacks a certain amount of certainty. This gap between what you know and what you believe is where your faith comes in. I believe that it is pretentious for anyone to claim they have all the answers. Nobody KNOWS everything about God. Every religion has their own explanation for the nature and will of God, its called doctrine. If we did have all the answers or absolute truth, we wouldn't need faith. 
• Doctrine is what separates denominations. Religious doctrines provide parishioners explanations to the mysteries of God. Adherence to doctrine requires faith because doctrines define intangible aspects of the nature and will of God. I believe that adherence to righteous principles is more important than religious doctrine. If you want to know more about my thoughts on the importance of letting your life be guided by righteous principles rather than religious doctrines CLICK HERE
• I believe Jesus Christ to be an incredible example of an individual living righteous principles. I believe his gospel can serve as an effective guide to happiness for families and individuals. I choose to identify as a christian. I identify as a Christian because it helps me relate to others around me in this predominately christian country. It also helps me relate to the family I have and love more than words can describe. I don't believe that Christianity holds claim to absolute truth in regards to the nature and will of God. I reject the notion that all other religions only contain portions of truth. I believe we should cling to principles that unite rather than doctrines that divide. 
• At a certain point all religious adherence comes down to ones personal testimony. I believe I have a decent understanding of Mormon doctrine. Notwithstanding, I don't believe or have a testimony of the LDS claim to an absoluteness of truth in regards to the nature and will of God. 

So what does this mean from here on out? 

1. I will support Amy in her desire to raise our children in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter days saints. 
2. I will not prohibit my family from participating in the LDS priesthood ordinances that they have a desire to participate in.
3. I will encourage my family to think for themselves and not to be pressured into any action or doctrinal belief to please others.
4. I will practice religion to the extent that is allows me to strengthen my relationship with my family and God.
5. I will not claim to know things I only believe. 
6. I do not believe in the LDS claim to an absoluteness of truth and feel my participation in priesthood ordinances would be patronizing. I will no longer participate in them.
7. I will worship Family, God, and Country in that order. 
8. I will never try to tear down or discredit the way others manifest their faith in God.
9. I will love others for who they are and not based on how or what they believe. 
10. I will respect and support others who manifest their faith in God differently from me. 

I hope this post doesn't cause distance between me and the LDS people I love. I hope that my family wont view me with the same prejudice that I did the Muslim man on the train when he first sat down. I'm happy to have a religious discussion with anyone to the extent that its positive and not destructive. I feel that the eradication of pretentiousness, of being disingenuous, and dishonest will enable me to love my wife more fully and be a better father to my children. 

Bringing Maverick home

So today is the last day for Amy, Maverick, and I at the hospital it's been a long week. We're all ready to go home. Correction Maverick and I are, I think Amy could hang out a few more days. She's still really sore. It's been a tough weak on her. Maverick slept better last night which is great. It allowed us to get a little bit more sleep ourselves. I'm really looking forward to sleeping in my own bed again. It's been really fun watching rocky come to the hospital and visit us here. He's so excited to have a baby brother. I was a little worried about how he was going to do with someone else getting moms attention but he's handling it really well. Last night grandma and I took him out to dinner and when it was time for them to go back home and for me to come to the hospital, I could tell that Rocky was ready to have us home. The bond between mother and son is already well established between Amy and Maverick . While we were out at dinner last night Amy decided she needed to take a shower and while she was in the shower the nurses decided to give Maverick bath. Maverick didn't like having somebody else care for him and he was inconsolable. As soon as Amy was done with her shower and picked Maverick back up, he immediately calmed down. The same thing happened to me later that night when he was done feeding and Amy asked me to burp him. The one thing in the world that makes Maverick happier than anything else is spending time with his mother. It's been amazing for me to watch and Amy go through the process giving birth to a child via C-section a 2nd time. There's been a few times where I could tell that the pain was really getting to her and it was hard to watch. I definitely think that there are some procedures here at this hospital that can be improved upon but even under the best circumstances a c-section is a huge sacrifice. I know there's going to be no way for Maverick to remember everything that we've been through this week so I guess it's up to me to make sure that he knows what a sacrifice his mother went through to get him here. I think I've taken for granted this sacrifice given by my own mother many times in my life. This will be one of my responsibility as a father; to make sure my children remember the sacrifices their Mother made and makes for them. My heart aches for people that don't have a great Mother. Watching the sacrifice that Amy has given over the last few days to bring Maverick into the world makes me reflect on what I should sacrifice as his Father. What will my contributions be? I've been told once that sacrifice is giving up something good to get something better. All I know is that watching Amy care for Maverick inspires me to want to be better. Only a few more hours and we get to take Maverick home.  I will do my best to always make sure that my children feel that they have a home. A place where they feel safe, loved, and where they belong.

Doctrines vrs Principles

You experience a variety of emotions when you welcome a child into the world. As I hold my son who is only hours old,  my mind and heart seem to be racing.  He is seeing, smelling, and hearing the world around him in a way he never has before. For the next few years, his life will be defined by one simple word, discovery! I really envy that!

As my son's literal birthday is flying by, I've had some time to reflect. I want to give this little boy every opportunity and advantage in life. I want him to learn and grow. I want him to think for himself. We named him Maverick which means an unorthodox and independently minded person. I want my son to be a shepherd rather than a sheep!

A subject that has been on my mind recently is the difference between religious doctrines and principles. My reflections on these terms have caused me some religious discomfort. I've come to some conclusions that seem to be contrary to my traditional Mormon upbringing and it has me feeling.... conflicted. I can trace most of what I'm grateful for in one way or another back to my upbringing. Even so, I'm having trouble reconciling what I profess to know about these terms and what I really do know!  Most Mormons might call me unorthodox, independent, or even a maverick for my conclusions. Oh well....

What I know to be true: I've led an amazing life and found incredible inner peace by following the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught in the Bible and Book of Mormon.

What I don't know to be true, but believe: That Jesus is truly my savior and that through saving ordinances such as baptism,  I will be saved from spiritual and physical death to live again in the presence of God and family.

So based on what I know, I should heed the "fruit and tree" logic presented in the 7th chapter of Matthew and claim to KNOW that the doctrines and ordinances of the Gospel of Jesus Christ are true as well .....right? Some may do this, but I can't. I feel we can have a knowledge of principles but can only ever believe in doctrines. Here is my understanding of the two terms:

Principle: A guiding rule of action or conduct.

•  Examples of Principles taught masterfully by Jesus Christ;
• Charity towards others
• Forgiveness
• Not to be judgmental
• Obedience
• Trust
• Basically the entire sermon on the mount or more specifically the "Be Attitudes"

Doctrine: A religious teaching or position

•  Examples of Doctrines taught by the Gospel of Jesus Christ
• John 14:6 "I am the way the truth and the light, no man cometh unto the father, but by me"
• The trinity
• Sin or Transgressions
• The Fall of Adam
• Life after death living in the presence of God

Conclusion #1: Principles are more important than doctrines.
Principles provide guidance and direction in this life that help us to become decent people, raise a loving family, and build productive and peaceful societies. Doctrines provide hope for the things we can't explain. Where did we all come from? Why are we here on earth? What happens after we die? Some turn to science to answer these timeless questions. What science professes to know is continually changing. Science can only explain HOW we got here. I want to know WHY we are here! Religion is the only thing that can answer WHY we are here. Religion gives me purpose. The gospel of Jesus Christ gives me hope. This hope and understanding is a positive thing that I'm grateful to have in my life.

Believing in Christian doctrine helps me practice principles that make my life better. I really believe its the practice of righteous principles that make me a better person rather than believing in doctrines. There are other ways to learn principles than believing in doctrines. You don't need to be religious to be learn to be charitable, forgiving, and chaste.

Christian doctrine teaches us that while creating this earth "God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work" Genesis 2:3. I show my belief in this doctrine by refraining from unnecessary activity and work on Sunday. The practice of keeping the Sabbath day holy by exercising my spirituality on Sunday is a righteous principle that governs my life. On Sunday's I slow down and focus on the things that matter most in life. The underlying principle that this doctrine teaches is to be reflective and thoughtful. You can learn to be reflective and thoughtful without keeping the Sabbath day holy. I've allowed Christian doctrine to bring this righteous principles into my life which is something I'm grateful for. I feel that honoring the 7th day of creation once a week isn't as important as being thoughtful and reflective. The principle is more important than the doctrine.

Conclusion #2: People fight over doctrines not principles.
In John 14:6 it says "I am the way the truth and the light, no man cometh unto the father, but by me". Christ didn't say that he is a good way or an efficient way, HE SAID HE IS THE WAY! Christianity and other major religions claim to have an absoluteness of truth in their doctrine. The one true way back to God. In Ephesians 4:5 it says "One hope, one faith, one baptism". I have been reflecting on the claim of absolute truth for quite some time now and I have some issues with it. I agree that there must be a true definition of what the afterlife will be like and the true character of God. I just don't see the necessity of knowing it in this life. For me, believing in God and life after death is enough. The main benefit religious doctrine gives believers is purpose in this life and hope for the next. If we knew exactly what was to come in the next life, then I wonder if we would want to get there quicker? I don't need to have an absolute understanding of things to come in order to believe in God or have hope. Wars have been fought over different doctrinal beliefs claiming they have absolute truth.  To my knowledge, wars have never been fought because people were allowing their lives to be guided by righteous principles.

Human nature can be competitive and competition and religion should never be in the same sentence. If your belief in religious doctrine brings you hope and purpose then it is doing its job! We should never try to discredit or undermine someone else's beliefs.  If all the energy that people put into doctrinal disputes was put into practicing righteous principles, the world would be a better place. Organized religion provides great structure and support while learning doctrine and implementing righteous principles. It also provides a sense of community that is incredibly beneficial. I think its only natural to want to feel like we belong somewhere and that we are a part of something. The danger of organized religion is that its common for parishioners to become more attached to the religious community then the religious doctrine. This tendency creates  religious "Teams". Teams exist to compete with one another and with themselves. Its not uncommon for parishioners to compete to see who can be the most righteous, to become the star player. This competitive nature in organized religion can cause those who struggle believing in doctrine or practicing righteous principles to be looked down upon. When parishioners loose sight of the purpose and hope religion is intended to bring us and use it as way to earn status, then religion becomes dangerous. We need to purge competition, status, and self promotion out of religion. Doctrines breed more segregation then principles. Righteous principles tend to be more universally accepted. Just like with anything in life, when used improperly, doctrinal convictions can be more damaging to ones spirituality then uplifting.

You want absolute truth? Here it is: No one knows everything and has absolute truth, believers and unbelievers alike have to live by faith.


FINAL THOUGHTS:
Growing up in an LDS home has provided me with a foundation for which I will be eternally grateful. I recognize that some of my LDS friends and family might take issue with me saying I don't KNOW that Jesus is truly my savior and that through saving ordinances such as baptism,  I will be saved from spiritual and physical death to live again in the presence of God and family. I choose to believe that doctrine but I don't know it. I hope those same family and friends can accept that I also don't feel that Mormonism has sole claim on absolute truth. Christianity, or more specifically Mormonism, makes sense to me because it's what I have studied the most and know the best. It provides me with hope and purpose therefore it's doing its job. My family and extended family are overwhelmingly LDS so I choose to practice Mormonism. I practice in my own way. That might be unpopular but I will not alter my religious convictions to make them more popular. It takes courage to stand up for what you believe and I believe in about 80% of what Mormon doctrine teaches. I want to continue to be the kind of person that goes to church on Sunday. I want to raise my children to believe in something and have hope. I choose Christianity to provide structure and support to my wife and I while raising our children. I will not hide my religious convictions regardless of their popularity. I would rather be authentic, genuine, and unpopular in my beliefs then pretend to know and believe more than I really do. I feel principles are more important then doctrines. In elementary school the person who had ultimate power and authority was the Principle. I think there is something we can learn from that. Jesus Christ admonished us to be as little children. Like children,  we should allow principles to have ultimate power and authority over lives. Let's learn righteous principles and then govern ourselves.

My Potential

My Potential

by Peter Maxwell Sessions

Give today all you have because you’ll never get it back, hitting your goals directly affects those that you hold dear,

Sacrifice distractions that will lead you off your track, not achieving your potential should be your greatest fear.

Expect to live a life full of the unexpected! Minutes, moments, and memories are never guaranteed,

You can't change the past and the future is unprotected, the present is a gift that will pass you at full speed.

A life without direction will quickly lead you nowhere, your potential won’t be met if it’s not your daily goal,

Fill your day with actions that you know will lead you somewhere, focus every single effort on things you can control.

Your attitude affects results far more than circumstance, excuses or accomplishments are things that I can choose,

My potential will not rely on merely happenstance, I’ll fill my life with happiness or choose to sing the blues.

Give today all you have because you’ll never get it back, hitting your goals directly affects those that you hold dear,

Sacrifice distractions that will lead you off your track, not achieving your potential should be your greatest fear.

Our 2nd Baby Boy

It doesn't surprise me much but its been a while since my last post. This morning we welcomed Maverick Cottle Sessions into our little family. It's surreal watching your family grow and meeting a child. I'm sitting here in the dark while Amy and Mav sleep. They had a much more exhausting morning than I did. It's been a bizarre week. I've been working insanely hard over the past 6 months since taking the sales management job at Gemini Duplication. This Tuesday was my first real day off in a long time. It's been a great week getting the house all cleaned up and ready to welcome our new baby boy into the world. Yesterday Amy and I worked out butts off cleaning the cars, kitchen, and everything else just to get our minds off the day just ahead. We went out to eat some Mexican food and then went home to relax. As Amy I were lying in bed she began to stew and think about the difficult morning that was only hours away.


 She is incredibly resilient but like most mothers she can be a bit of a worrier. She doesn't like to admit it because she is so strong but she seemed really worried about the surgery. I encouraged her to trust in those who had prepared to take care of her at the hospital and to focus on what she could control.


We control our faith. We control our focus. We control our positivity. We control our love! 


We decided that we were going to love this little boy regardless of what may happen. The drive to the Gilroy hospital seemed unusually long this morning. We left the house at 5:30 and got here around 6:00am. The surgery was scheduled at 7:30 and it was supposed to be a slow weekend at the hospital. Since it was Friday the 13th, the hospital was anything but slow. As they were prepping Amy for surgery, a couple burst through the doors with an emergency that required all the nurses to leave our room to go help them. I'm not sure what happened but I sure hope their little one is ok. After what seemed like an eternity the nurses came back and really started moving fast to get Amy ready. Dr.Watson came in and spoke with us for a little bit before we went into surgery. They took Amy first and I was left pacing like a tiger in the prep room. A million things were racing through my head. How can I love another kid like I love Rocky? How will life change with a 2nd kid? How will my sons feel having me as their father? The pressure of being a dad to another little boy started weighing heavy on my chest. Right as it began to feel like 500lbs was sitting on my chest, the nurse busted back in the room and instructed me to follow her. I was already dressed head to toe in the blue hospital scrubs they had given me and I was ready to go. When I walked in the operating room they had already begun the surgery. I saw Amy's stomach cut open and they were cauterizing her wound so it wouldn't bleed too heavily. The smell of cauterized flesh isn't something I would describe as pleasant. I wasn't prepared for that so I quickly sat down behind the sheet that separated Amy's head and the doctors. There was a big round mirror in the top of the room directly over Amy's feet. It was positioned so that I could watch what was going on. I watched about 80% of the time and tried to comfort Amy the rest of the time. The doctor asked us if we wanted him to put the baby back if it came out a girl rather than the boy we were expecting. I quickly replied that we would take the girl but if it was a red head then we didn't care about gender and that he should put it back. As they began to pull Maverick out of Amy, Dr.Watson said, "Wow this is a big head". I looked up at the mirror and watched them pull an 8.11lbs baby boy out of Amy's stomach and he immediately started crying. I watched the nurses swarm around him and start cleaning him up and counting his fingers and toes.


Amy started asking about Maverick and wondering if I could see him. The doctors began sewing Amy up and putting everything they took out exactly how they found it. A nurse named Helen bought Maverick over so Amy could see him briefly and then I followed her and Maverick into the recovery room where they began weighing him and warming him up. It was a special moment for me to let those little fingers clutch mine while the nurse poked and pinched him. It had only been minutes since he was born and I felt like I was able to be there for him in a time of need. His grip was weak but I could tell he was squeezing with all his might. Moments later they wheeled Amy back in the room and Amy got her first real look at Maverick. It wasn't a long look because Maverick needed a bath but it was special to watch Amy lay eyes on her new baby boy. They put Mav into a basin in the sink and he was almost too big for the basin. After a quick bath and some expert swaddling, Maverick was handed to Amy. The bond between a mother and her children is special. Amy clutched him tight to her chest and he decided he was hungry. He latched on to his mother quickly and was ready to eat!


We sat there for a few moments and then got word that Kevin, Sandy, Megan, and Rocky had arrived. Sandy brought Rocky back and his reaction was priceless. He was so excited to see his baby brother. He was anxious to hold Maverick and kept saying that he loved him and that he was so cute. He tried to jump on Amy and we had to restrain his excitement. It was a moment I will never forget. It made me think a lot about my older brother. I really have looked up to my brother over the years and I really hope that my boys will develop a special bond. After a short visit Sandy and Rocky left and they moved Amy to the post partum room. The whole entourage came back at this point to hold our precious baby and say hello. Amy has been really sore but is still worried more about others then herself. She keeps concerning herself with my comfort rather than her own. I told her that I wasn't the one that just had a major surgery and that I'm just fine. Its been a busy day and we are all just resting now. We have started calling loved ones. Its a special day. I love being a Dad!